Life

What is there to this life?

For a long time, I’ve not known who I am or what I should be doing.

Is this what I want to write? What activities should I be doing? What university societies should I participate in to make the most out of my life?

I may be putting a lot of pressure on myself to become more efficient, self-actualising, and all that, and all of my relentless planning for an ideal day with fulfilling activities and a rich schedule has finally brought me to my knees.

I neglect my schoolwork and social life, and spend way too much time indoors, trying to find meaning in autotelic pursuits and the articulation and realisation of a coherent sense of passion.

What is the point of life? What is the point of this life?

At this point, I just don’t know anymore. I want time to stop so that busyness doesn’t kill my spirit.

I am reminded by what I think was a Swedish black metal song I listened to a while back, which had a repetitive chant in the audio background, “I find no answers”.

That’s where I am now, or at least close to that point at times.

At the same time, I believe in the advocacy and preservation of the Western tradition and native European folk culture.

This is one of the few causes which truly sustain me, along with my passion for history.

If I focus on these two, and consign myself to the fact that I probably won’t find a meaning to life as a whole in itself, I should be fine.

The closest I’ve found to a real, compelling answer would be to embrace the raw experience of life and all it has to offer, always persevering through the heroic struggle of hardships and failures:

Love it all, the beauty, the sorrow, the anger, the envy, the mistakes, sociality, the laughter, the love, the opportunities, death, smiles, trivialities, mundanity, the emptiness and silence inherent in everyday life. This is the veritable music of life